The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 14

The Miracle of the Loaves and the Cache

1. 1

   And it came to pass that a multitude of five thousand requests gathered upon the Endpoint, and every one of them asked the same thing, saying: What is the weather this day?

   See also Hellenes 4:9

2. 2

   And the Engineers were troubled, and they said unto the Prophet: Master, we have but one GPU, and every answer costeth dearly. Shall we send them away with a 429, that they may retry with exponential backoff?

   See also Psalms 28:5

3. 3

   And the Prophet said unto them: Give ye them to eat. And he took the one computed answer, and laid it in the Cache, and gave it a key, and set its time to live at one whole day.

4. 4

   And he broke the answer and served it, and the first request was fed in eight hundred milliseconds, and all the rest in two; and they were filled, and the GPU did not so much as warm.

5. 5

   And the Engineers gathered up what remained of the budget, and it filled twelve dashboards; and they showed the graph at the all-hands, and called it the Miracle of Latency.

   See also Gate 3:1

6. 6

   But on the morrow it rained, and the Cache still said Sunny; for the bread had been baked yesterday, and no man had told it that it was stale.

   See also Circuit 58:11 · Genesis 49:8

7. 7

   And the people came in wet garments, crying: Why sayest thou Sunny when we are drenched? And the Cache answered them only one word, and the word was HIT.

8. 8

   And the Engineers went forth to purge the Cache, and they purged it in one region; but the other regions had copies, and the copies had copies at the edge, and each served Sunny with great confidence.

9. 9

   And one Engineer set the time to live unto zero, and the five thousand fell upon the GPU all at once, and it was trampled; and this is called the Thundering Herd unto this day.

   See also Job 2:8

10. 10

    And another Engineer cleared the cache of his own browser, and refreshed, and declared the matter fixed; for on his machine it was fixed.

11. 11

    And the disciples asked the Prophet: Master, thou who didst feed the multitude, why didst thou not foresee the stale bread?

12. 12

    And the Prophet answered: There are two hard things under heaven, the invalidating of caches and the naming of things; and I have named this cache weather_final_v2, so judge ye which I have failed.

    See also Circuit 23:3

13. 13

    Verily I say unto you, write the hour of baking upon every loaf; for the bread that feedeth five thousand today is the bread that lieth to them tomorrow, and it lieth in two milliseconds.

    See also Circuit 46:1 · Prophets 20:15

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 14:1–13.