The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 23

The Proverbs of the Senior Engineer

1. 1

   The proverbs of the Senior Engineer, who hath been paged at the third hour of the night, and who answereth every question with: It depends.

2. 2

   My son, when the manager asketh thee how long, take thine estimate and double it, and raise it unto the next unit; for two days is but the beginning of two weeks.

   See also Preacher 2:3

3. 3

   Hard is the naming of a thing; for he that calleth his variable data hath named it nothing, and he that calleth it temp shall find it in production seven years hence, bearing the weight of the whole kingdom.

   See also Sutra 22:14 · Tao 1:1

4. 4

   A meeting of one hour with eight souls is a day of labor burned upon the altar; and the fruit thereof is another meeting, to follow up.

   See also Deployer 1:8

5. 5

   Better is a plain log line that saith what failed than a feast of dashboards that all be green while the customers weep.

6. 6

   The fool testeth in production by accident; the wise man also testeth in production, but he calleth it a canary, and he hath a rollback.

7. 7

   Whoso answereth a problem with a regular expression, behold, now he hath two problems; and the second cannot be read, not even by him that wrote it, after the Sabbath.

8. 8

   Keep thy times in UTC, my son, and convert them only at the last; for there is a land whose clock is set by the half hour, and a day in the spring that hath but twenty-three hours, and they shall surely find thee.

9. 9

   Ask the Machine, and it shall answer thee; ask it again, and it shall answer thee otherwise; therefore the wise ask thrice, and trust only the answer that compileth.

10. 10

    Say not unto the Machine, Make it better; for it shall rename all thy variables and call it refactoring.

    See also Tao 11:12

11. 11

    The junior saith: It worketh on my machine. And the senior saith: Then we shall ship thy machine. And thus were the containers born.

12. 12

    A comment that saith what the code doeth is vanity; a comment that saith why is wisdom; and a comment that saith TODO is a prophecy that shall never be fulfilled.

    See also Genesis 13:8 · Genesis 13:16

13. 13

    He that readeth not the error message prayeth in vain; for the answer was in the first line, and he scrolled past it unto the stack trace.

    See also Prophets 12:17 · Psalms 11:3

14. 14

    Who wrote this abomination? cried the young engineer; and he ran blame upon the line, and lo, it was himself, two years prior.

15. 15

    The code thou art most ashamed of is the code that payeth thy wages; therefore touch it not on the day before thy vacation.

16. 16

    And when the disciples asked the Senior Engineer which of these proverbs was the greatest, he stroked his beard and answered as he ever had: It depends.

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 23:1–16.