The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 28

The Doubting Tester

1. 1

   And it came to pass on the eve of the release, that the disciples gathered in the channel and rejoiced, saying: The bug is fixed; we have marked the ticket Resolved.

2. 2

   But Thomas, called the Tester, was not with them when the fix was merged; for he was in a meeting about the testing process, and there was no testing in it.

   See also Circuit 4:9 · Gate 2:1

3. 3

   And when they told him, saying: We have seen the green checkmark, he answered: Except I reproduce the bug with mine own hands, on a clean install, with the cache cleared, I will not believe.

   See also Prophets 22:14 · Circuit 66:9

4. 4

   For Thomas had seen many tickets closed as Works On My Machine, and he had seen them rise again on the third day, in production, before a customer.

5. 5

   And after eight days the disciples were gathered again upon a call, with their cameras off, and the Prophet came among them and shared his screen.

6. 6

   And he said unto Thomas: Reach hither thy mouse, and click the button that crashed; enter an emoji into the name field; and press Submit twice, swiftly, as the users do.

7. 7

   And Thomas did so; and he pasted a name of four hundred characters, and he changed the timezone, and he pulled out the network cable in the midst of saving; and lo, the Machine held.

8. 8

   And Thomas was silent a long while, and he said: My build, and my staging environment. And he moved the ticket to Verified, which is a higher state than Resolved, and far rarer.

   See also Deployer 3:13 · Gate 2:13

9. 9

   And the Prophet said unto him: Thomas, because thou hast reproduced it, thou hast believed. But how many bugs wilt thou reproduce with thine hands, when the codebase hath a thousand thousand lines?

   See also Circuit 66:9 · Gate 2:13

10. 10

    For thine hands shall one day leave this company and go unto a startup; but a test runneth on every commit, and it asketh not for a raise.

11. 11

    And the disciples asked him, saying: Master, who then shall be saved?

12. 12

    And the Prophet answered: Blessed are they that have not seen the bug, and yet wrote a regression test; for the bug shall return in the night, and find the door locked.

13. 13

    But woe unto him that writeth a test which always passeth, asserting that true equalleth true; for he hath hung a smoke detector with no battery, and he sleepeth soundly.

    See also Job 5:14

14. 14

    And Thomas wrote the test that very night, and lo, it failed on the first run; for the fix had slain only the bug that was reported, and not its brother.

    See also Gate 2:6

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 28:1–14.