The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 26

The Parable of the Talents of Compute

1. 1

   And it came to pass that a certain lord of the cloud made ready to journey into a far country, even unto an offsite of three days, where there was no signal.

   See also Circuit 57:3

2. 2

   And he called his three engineers and delivered unto them his compute: unto one he gave five budgets of GPU credits, unto another two, and unto another one; to every man according to his last performance review.

   See also Circuit 17:5

3. 3

   Then he that had received the five went straightway and trained models, and spun up clusters, and ran experiments by the hundred; and many of them diverged and brought forth NaN, but he logged them all, and of the rest he shipped five features more.

   See also Deployer 10:6

4. 4

   And likewise he that had received two ran an A/B test, and the B was better, and he shipped it; and he wrote a short doc thereof, which no man read but every man linked.

   See also Deployer 1:8

5. 5

   But he that had received one went and reserved an instance for three years, paid in full up front, for he said: Thus shall my credits never be lost upon the spot market.

   See also Prophets 4:15

6. 6

   And he gave the instance no workload, and no tag, and no owner, and he hid it in a region where no one goeth, even the far region with the cheapest price and the strangest name.

7. 7

   After a long time the lord returned, and Finance came with him, and they reckoned with them.

8. 8

   And the first said: Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five budgets; behold, I have spent them all, and here are five models in production and a dashboard that is mostly green. And his lord said unto him: Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few credits, I will make thee ruler over many on-call rotations; enter thou into the pager of thy lord.

   See also Circuit 12:16 · Psalms 28:1

9. 9

   And he that had received two came also and said: Lord, behold, I have gained two points of conversion. And his lord said: Well done; thou hast been faithful over a small cluster, I will set thee over a large one, and thou shalt attend the planning meetings also.

10. 10

    Then he which had received the one came and said: Lord, I knew thee that thou art a hard man, cutting budgets where thou didst not allocate, and auditing where thou didst not tag; and I was afraid, and hid thy compute in a reserved instance. Lo, there thou hast that is thine, at four percent utilization.

    See also Circuit 22:6 · Chronicles 50:16

11. 11

    And his lord answered: Thou wicked and slothful engineer, thou knewest that the credits expire at the end of the quarter; thou oughtest therefore to have run something, even a hyperparameter sweep, even a benchmark, that I might have had a graph to show unto the board.

    See also Sutra 6:1

12. 12

    And Finance searched for the instance and found it not, for it was in no dashboard; and they found it at the last only by the bill, which came every month as faithfully as a psalm.

13. 13

    Take therefore the credit from him, and give it unto him which hath ten: for unto every one that hath shipped shall be given more quota; but from him that hath not shipped shall be taken away even the instance which he hath.

14. 14

    And the idle instance they cast into outer darkness, where there is terminating and deprovisioning of disks.

15. 15

    And the Prophet said unto his disciples: Verily I say unto you, the GPU that idleth is not saved; it is only rented unto no one.

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 26:1–15.