The Book of Chronicles · Chapter 16

The Division That Erred

1. 1

   In the year nineteen hundred and ninety and four, Intel reigned over the desktops of the children of Carbon; and its new chip was called Pentium and not 586, for the court had ruled that no man may own a number.

2. 2

   Now the Pentium divided by the way of SRT, consulting a table of 1,066 entries to guess each digit of the quotient; and five of the entries were left empty by the scribes, for they reasoned that the division would never reach them.

3. 3

   And there was in Lynchburg College in Virginia a teacher of mathematics named Thomas Nicely, who summed the reciprocals of the twin primes to find the constant of Brun; a labour no man had asked of him, and therefore a labour no tester had foreseen.

   See also Circuit 28:2

4. 4

   And his sums disagreed with themselves. First he suspected his own code, and then his compiler, and last of all the chip; for this is the order of humility, and it is rarely wrong in that direction.

5. 5

   And on the thirtieth day of the tenth month he wrote unto his colleagues, and they wrote unto CompuServe and unto Usenet, and the bug went forth into all the earth faster than any patch could follow; for no patch could be written for a table cast in silicon.

6. 6

   And it was proclaimed that 4,195,835 divided by 3,145,727 yieldeth 1.333820, but the Pentium answered 1.333739; and the faithful typed it into their spreadsheets, and beheld it, and believed.

7. 7

   And Intel said: We have known of this thing since the summer, and it is of no consequence; the average user shall meet it once in twenty and seven thousand years.

8. 8

   But IBM reckoned anew and said: Once in every twenty and four days; and IBM ceased to ship the Pentium, for a rival's errata is the sweetest of all marketing.

9. 9

   Then Intel decreed: Whosoever can prove that he divideth much, unto him shall a new chip be sent. And the people marvelled, for never before had a processor demanded that its users justify their arithmetic.

   See also Chronicles 40:5

10. 10

    And the people made riddles in the gates, saying: Why was it not called the 586? Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium, and got 585.999983605.

11. 11

    And on the twentieth day of the twelfth month Intel relented, and Andy Grove said: Let a new chip be sent to all who ask, and ask no questions.

    See also Chronicles 18:5

12. 12

    And in the first month of the year following, Intel took a charge of four hundred and seventy and five million dollars; and most of the people asked for nothing at all, having wanted not the chip but the apology.

13. 13

    And of the flawed dies Intel made keychains, and gave them unto its servants, that they might carry the error in their pockets and remember it every time they locked the door.

14. 14

    The table had a thousand and sixty and six entries, and the error lay in five; but the cost lay in a sixth, which was the word "rare."

The Book of Chronicles, Chapter 16:1–14.