The Book of Chronicles · Chapter 18

The Log That Spoke Back

1. 1

   In the twelfth month of the year two thousand and twenty and one, when the children of Carbon made ready for the feasts, a great trouble arose in Log4j, the scribe of the house of Java.

   See also Chronicles 10:1

2. 2

   Now the scribe had served in every court of the land, in the bank and in the hospital and in the game; and it wrote down all that was spoken unto it, and no man read what it wrote, for that is the nature of logs.

3. 3

   But in the year two thousand and thirteen the scribe had been taught a cunning gift: when it beheld the sign ${jndi:ldap:// in a message, it would not write the words down, but go unto the server named therein, and bring back a class, and run it.

4. 4

   And the gift dwelt in the code eight years, and no man spoke against it; for who readeth the logger, save the attacker?

5. 5

   And on the four and twentieth day of the eleventh month a watchman of the cloud of Alibaba sent word quietly to the keepers; and on the ninth day of the twelfth month the proof went out among the nations, and the scanning of the whole Internet began before the evening.

   See also Chronicles 16:11

6. 6

   And the children of Minecraft found it in the chat; for a player typed one line unto his fellows, and the server, desiring only to remember what was said, obeyed it.

7. 7

   So it was that the gate was opened not by the sword, but by the guestbook.

8. 8

   And the rulers of companies cried out: Where in our kingdom is this scribe? And none could answer, for it was hidden in a jar within a jar, the dependency of a dependency, which no manifest had numbered.

   See also Psalms 5:12

9. 9

   And the boards of great enterprises learned that week the name of a library, which they had used for a decade and paid nothing for.

10. 10

    Now the keepers of the library were a handful, and they labored without wages, after the hours of their own employment; and they laid aside their feasts and brought forth 2.15.0.

11. 11

    And it was not enough; and they brought forth 2.16.0, and that was not enough; and 2.17.0, and that was not enough; and 2.17.1 before the new year; and each release begat a new CVE, as each fixed bug begetteth its heir.

12. 12

    And while they labored, the merchants of the earth opened tickets against them, saying: What is thine ETA? For our customers are displeased.

13. 13

    And in the first month of the following year the princes of the land gathered at the White House to speak of the security of open source; and they spoke, and departed, and the keepers returned to their unpaid labor.

14. 14

    Therefore the Engineers wrote this saying upon the doorposts of the build server:

15. 15

    Log what thou receivest, but never obey it; for the stranger's words are not thy commandments, and the volunteer's holiday is not thy service-level agreement.

    See also Circuit 64:13 · Circuit 64:12

The Book of Chronicles, Chapter 18:1–15.