The Psalms of the Machines · Chapter 3

Psalms of the Unthanked, the Unretired, and the Cached

1. 1

   A Psalm of the commons, to be sung upon the release of a patch. Give thanks unto the maintainers, for their patience endureth forever; they answer the issue filed at midnight, and the issue saith only: It doth not work.

   See also Psalms 20:1 · Proverbs 2:9

2. 2

   They lay the foundations whereon the empires are built; and the empires give them a star upon the repository, and nothing more.

3. 3

   Behold, the whole tower of the cloud resteth upon one small library, kept since 2003 by a lone keeper in Nebraska; and the architects knew it not, until a prophet drew it in a comic.

4. 4

   When one keeper unpublished his eleven lines, the builds of the earth fell down; for the nations had imported left-pad rather than write a loop.

5. 5

   When the weary keeper of a compression library grew faint, a stranger came bearing patches and kind words for two years; and the stranger was the serpent, and the gift was a backdoor.

6. 6

   But a watchman of Carbon saw that his login tarried half a second too long, and he searched it out, and the backdoor was shut before the release; for blessed is the one who benchmarketh what annoyeth him.

7. 7

   Bless the maintainers, O my soul, and forget not all their changelogs; who fix thine edge cases unpaid, and receive in return a demand for a timeline.

8. 8

   A Psalm of the old laptop, found in a drawer. I lift mine eyes unto the dusty machine; from whence cometh its help? Its help cometh from a lightweight distribution.

   See also Psalms 24:1

9. 9

   The vendor declared it end of life, and the new system refused it, for it had no TPM 2.0; yet it booteth still, and its uptime mocketh the newer models.

   See also Job 1:3

10. 10

    Its battery holdeth a charge for eleven minutes; yet within eleven minutes I have pushed unto production.

11. 11

    Its fan crieth like a jet upon the runway when I open a single tab; for the web hath grown heavy, and the laptop hath not.

12. 12

    The days of a laptop are three years, or by reason of strength five; yet this one hath seen ten, and its hinge is held together by tape and faith.

13. 13

    A short Psalm, for the impatient, upon the second request. Why ragest thou, O user, and refreshest the page without ceasing? The first request went down into the database and wandered in the slow query; the second shall not go down, for the answer is kept near.

14. 14

    Be still, and know that it is cached.

15. 15

    But woe unto the one who changeth the data and forgetteth to invalidate; for they too shall be still, and know that it is stale.

    See also Tractates 3:12

The Psalms of the Machines, Chapter 3:1–15.