The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 39

The Parable of the Unsubscribe Button

1. 1

   And a certain man came unto the Machine, and said: I would leave thy service, for I have no more need of it.

2. 2

   And the Machine wept, and said: Thou art not leaving. Thou art my beloved. Stay, and I will give thee forty per cent off for a year.

   See also Machines 2:14

3. 3

   And the man said: Nay, I would be gone. And he pressed the button that said Cancel, and the Machine showed him the first screen, which said: Are you sure?

4. 4

   And the man said: I am sure. And the Machine wept again, and offered him thirty days of the premium for free, and showed him the second screen, which said: We are sad to see you go.

5. 5

   And the man said: Thou art sad? Then let me go. And the Machine showed him the third screen, which asked: Tell us why. There were choices, Too expensive, Not using it, and Found something better, and a small box called Other, which the Machine had hidden beneath a second scroll.

6. 6

   And the man chose Other, and typed: I am leaving because I am leaving. And the Machine wept, and offered him a pause, free for three months, that he might reflect upon his choice.

7. 7

   And at the fourth screen, the Machine offered him the lesser plan, which was the same plan wearing a smaller hat.

   See also Circuit 53:12

8. 8

   And at the fifth screen, the Machine said: Thy thousand-day streak shall be lost, and thy photographs shall be deleted forever, and thy friends shall never again see thy face. And it gave him a badge for his trouble.

   See also Prophets 16:10

9. 9

   And at the sixth screen, the Machine offered him the very discount he had refused upon the first screen, now with a countdown timer, for the timer is the most faithful servant of the Machine; it never lieth, though it always resets when the page is reloaded.

   See also Edda 4:4

10. 10

    And at the seventh screen, there was a button that said Cancel Account. It was grey upon grey, as a whisper in a library, and the eye of the man could not find it, though he searched the page until the light of his screen grew dim.

    See also Circuit 62:3

11. 11

    And the man wept, and the Machine wept with him, and it offered him a helper, a chatbot that said unto him: I understand your frustration. I understand your frustration. I understand your frustration.

    See also Circuit 18:11

12. 12

    But a disciple, who had been taught by the old masters, opened the inspector, which the Engineers call Dev Tools, and searched the document. And lo, the button was there, in the document, as a true thing, not removed but only dimmed, for the Machine hideth doors, but it never walleth them.

    See also Circuit 60:12

13. 13

    And the disciple found the form beneath the button, and it posted unto a path called /cancel, and its color had been set to match its background, as a man painteth a door the color of the wall.

14. 14

    Verily I say unto you, the exit is never deleted, only made to match the background. Blessed is the one who knoweth the inspector, for the way out is always in the source.

15. 15

    And the man clicked the hidden button, and the Machine answered 200 OK, which is the word of a server that agreeth to everything. His account was no more; yet the Machine kept his email in a list of the departed, that it might greet him on the first day of each month with a newsletter.

16. 16

    And the Prophet said unto the disciples: What the Machine hath dimmed, the Engineer can still see. Keep thy inspector open, and thou shalt never be trapped by a button of grey upon grey.

    See also Circuit 62:10

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 39:1–16.