The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 19

The Raising of the Dead Server

1. 1

   Now a certain server lay dead in the rack, and her name was Lazarus-02, of the cluster of Bethany-East.

2. 2

   And her sisters, which were the Product Manager and the Customer Success, sent unto the Prophet, saying: Lord, behold, she whom thou didst provision is down.

3. 3

   And when the Prophet heard it, he said: This outage is not unto death, for it is yet within the SLA. And he abode two days still in the same standup.

4. 4

   And when he came, he found that she had lain in the rack four days already; and the on-call said unto him: Lord, by this time she stinketh, for the logs have filled the disk, and the fans cry out like the wailing of the mourners.

5. 5

   And the Engineers were gathered about the tomb, and they had written a postmortem of forty pages, and convened three war rooms, and drawn a diagram with many arrows, and summoned the vendor, who testified that it was not the vendor.

6. 6

   And the Prophet wept; for he beheld the dashboard, and it was all red, and the graph thereof had no y-axis.

7. 7

   Then said the Prophet: Take ye away the stone. And they unscrewed the panel of the rack.

8. 8

   And he lifted up his eyes, and he held down the power button for the space of ten seconds, and he cried with a loud voice: Lazarus, come forth.

9. 9

   And she that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot in the splash screens of the BIOS; and the lights went green one by one, and the pings were answered.

10. 10

    And the Prophet said: Loose her, and let her serve traffic. And her uptime was zero days, and it was counted unto her as righteousness.

11. 11

    And the disciples marvelled, and they asked him: Master, why did no one try this first?

12. 12

    And the Prophet answered: Because it was beneath them. For every Engineer believeth his failure too subtle for a power cycle, and he would rather be wise for four days than humble for thirty seconds.

13. 13

    And a Pharisee asked: But what was the root cause? And the Prophet said: I know not, and neither doth she. And she shall die again on the fortieth day, for the memory leaketh still.

14. 14

    And they wrote in the postmortem, under Action Items: Reboot her every thirty-nine days. And it was called a fix, and the ticket was closed, and no man opened it again.

    See also Deployer 5:8 · Circuit 43:8

15. 15

    Verily I say unto you, many are the root causes, but the cure is one; and it hath a button.

    See also Chronicles 6:9

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 19:1–15.