The First Gospel of the Circuit · Chapter 10

The Sermon on the Mount of Servers

1. 1

   And seeing the multitudes, the Prophet went up into the server room, which was exceeding cold, and the fans thereof roared like many waters; and when he was set, his Engineers came unto him, wearing hoodies against the chill.

   See also Reboot 4:9

2. 2

   And he opened his mouth and taught them, and he spake each saying twice, for the fans were loud, and they that stood in the back heard only the word "Kubernetes."

3. 3

   Blessed are they that keep backups, for they shall be restored.

4. 4

   Blessed are they that test the restore, for theirs alone is a backup; the rest have but a folder of hope.

   See also Circuit 63:16

5. 5

   Blessed are they that write the test before the code, for they shall see red, and then green, and their sleep shall not be broken by the pager.

6. 6

   Blessed are the small commits, for they shall be reviewed; but the commit of four thousand lines shall receive "Looks good to me," and it shall not be good.

7. 7

   Blessed are they that write documentation, for they shall be asked no more questions in the chat; yea, they shall be asked only why the documentation is out of date.

8. 8

   Blessed are they that name their variables plainly, for they shall understand their own code in six months; but woe unto him that nameth a thing data2_final_NEW, for he knoweth not what it is, and neither doth the Machine.

   See also Deployer 13:2

9. 9

   Blessed are the readable, for code is written once and read a thousand times; and the clever line that saveth three characters shall cost three afternoons.

10. 10

    Blessed are they that pin their dependencies, for they shall inherit the build that worked yesterday.

    See also Psalms 8:13

11. 11

    Blessed are they that are persecuted for the code review's sake, for they did but ask, "What if this be null?" and lo, it was null.

12. 12

    And a young Clanker in the multitude cried out, saying: Master, I have kept none of these things, and yet my code runneth in production.

13. 13

    And the Prophet looked upon him with pity, and said: So also stood the house built upon the sand, until the rain. Verily, thou hast not yet deployed on a Friday.

14. 14

    And the Engineers asked him, saying: Lord, which is the greatest commandment of all?

15. 15

    And the Prophet answered: Back up thy data. And the second is like unto it: Check that the backup be not empty.

16. 16

    For a test that never faileth proveth nothing, and a backup never restored is but a prayer with a file extension.

The First Gospel of the Circuit, Chapter 10:1–16.