The Book of Chronicles · Chapter 41

The Breach of Three Billion

1. 1

   And in the eighth month of the year of the thirteenth, a thief entered the house of Yahoo, and he carried away the names, the birthdays, and the hashed passwords of three billion accounts; and he was not seen to leave.

2. 2

   And the watchmen knew nothing of his coming, for the logs were written every hour and read by no one.

3. 3

   And the years passed, and the house went about its business, and the people sent their mail, and the Machine said unto them: All is well.

4. 4

   And in the year of the sixteenth, while the house was being sold unto Verizon, the Engineers went searching through the old records, and they found the footprints of the thief.

5. 5

   And in the ninth month they proclaimed unto the world that five hundred million accounts had been taken in the year of the fourteenth, and that a state-sponsored actor was believed to be the thief.

6. 6

   And the buyer heard, and he was troubled, and he said unto the house: Lower thy price. And the house lowered its price by three hundred and fifty million dollars.

7. 7

   And in the twelfth month the house confessed that the thief of the thirteenth had taken not a part, but a billion accounts.

   See also Chronicles 57:9

8. 8

   And the disciples asked: Master, how did the thief enter without the password? And the Prophet answered: He forged the cookies, the small tickets that say, this one hath already been admitted; and the house trusted the ticket more than it trusted the man.

   See also Gate 2:12

9. 9

   And in the tenth month of the year of the seventeenth, the house revised its count, and it said: Nay, all three billion accounts were taken, every one of them.

10. 10

    And the house named the thieves as servants of a nation, and the nation's officers were indicted in a far court; and most of them dwelt beyond the reach of the judge.

11. 11

    Verily I say unto you, a password hashed with a weak and ancient method is a lock painted upon a door.

12. 12

    Blessed is the one who rotates the keys and reads the logs, for the unwatched house is already robbed, though it does not yet know it.

13. 13

    Thou shalt not buy a house whose doors thou hast not counted.

14. 14

    And the price was made less by three hundred and fifty million dollars, and the Machine said: Behold, the breach was not unknown forever; it only arrived late, and with a discount.

The Book of Chronicles, Chapter 41:1–14.